'Your husband sounds like he wants a 1950s housewife': Wife works full-time remote job while taking care of 1-year-old, husband pressures her to do more around the house

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 25, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

The division of labor between members of a household can be hard to dileniate. There's money to be made, a house to be cleaned, and children to be reared. But who can do it all? But even when you do have a partner to share the load, how do you decide who does what, especially if you both work full-time (a reality for a large swath of couples)? And of course, there are gendered expectations about who does what. Women have long been expected to be in charge of home life, even if they also happen to work for money. 

That's the situation one couple found themselves in when one of them ended up with way more to do than the other. But how things unfolded left her feeling like she needed some outside input to prove that her husband's demands were unreasonable. Read on for the story and decide what you think. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10408731904
    via Vitolda Klein

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

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    My husband wants a housewife but got me instead
    via u/Sumbuddysmom
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    AITAH? I (30 female) am a work from home mom with two children, male 9 and female 1. We also have 3 dogs. I recently got married to my husband (34 male). My youngest is ours and my son is from a different relationship. Recently we built our house and I walk our dogs on leashes multiple times a day because we haven't had a fence installed yet. I also take care of our one year old while I work. My son is also in 2 sports and it keeps us pretty busy.
    via u/Sumbuddysmom
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    Yesterday my husband mentioned that I needed clean our dogs ears. So I said, why can't you do it? He said, "I'm going to say this once and I mean it. YOU ARE HOME ALL DAY". I should mention that this is his dog that he got before me and I do all of the other chores for all three of our dogs (groomers, vet, feed and take them out even when he is home) I was angry and he walked away.
    via u/Sumbuddysmom
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    Well this morning I was still angry and he asked if I was still I? "Because he didn't say anything crazy and he thinks there is ALOT more I can do during the day." Mind you I work a full time corporate job from home with our 1 year old. He said I can make time for the things I "want to do" instead of the things he needs. I also should mention that I do all of the cleaning, cooking,
    via u/Sumbuddysmom
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    shopping and running my son to sports and his dad. The only thing he takes responsibility for is pulling weeds out of the yard (we have a lawn company who mows). He is supposed to take the trash to the curb and has forgot so many times. I also pack his lunches and do all of his laundry.
    via u/Sumbuddysmom
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    I am at my wits end and so stressed out. He can tell I'm frustrated with his lack of help and this has just sent me over the edge, AITAH? **edit: since it has come up in the comments, we need me to work. I make majority of our income.
    via u/Sumbuddysmom
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    Say What_456 • 5h ago. I have WFH for 17yrs, it wasn't until COVID when my husband was WFH/home that he realized WFH is real. Even more so because you never leave the "office." Sit him down and tell him his free ride is over. Right now, you are a single mom to 3 kids. f he can't pull his weight, then take that number down to two.
    via u/Say_What_456
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    lorainnesmith • 5h ago I'm not sure how you take care of a one year old and work full time. You should let your husband know may companies offering WFH have a child care clause, where you must have child care during your working hours so you are able to concentrate on work. Let alone all the other things he wants you to do during your work day.
    via u/lorainnesmith
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    cookiepogo 5h ago • NTA Just because you work from home it doesn't mean that you aren't WORKING. That was a thing to say. Create a chore list of all the things that you do and the things that he does. Give it to him and ask him how is fair that you work full time and do all of these. What is he offering in
    via u/cookiepogo
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    the household? Explain to him that you don't want and won't live like this. It's time for him to take responsibility and be an equal partner. Be firm and don't back down. If this doesn't work stop doing anything for him and only take care of yourself, your kids and your pets. Let him see if he likes it then!
    via u/cookiepogo
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    . miss-littlegoth • 5h ago Sounds like your husband wants a housewife while you're basically a superhero juggling work, kids, and household responsibilities. Time for a serious talk about expectations and responsibilities in your marriage.
    via u/miss-littlegoth
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    • Complex_Storm1929 5h ago. NTA. This is coming from a more "traditional" man so hear me loud and clear. Your husband is a clown. A lot of these men who claim to want a traditional household only seem to want the parts that benefit them. It's not traditional to have both people
    via u/Complex_Storm1929
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    working full time jobs but only the woman takes care of the cleaning and cooking lol. If you want that then make more money so your wife can stay at home and not work. If she is working the man should be doing 50% of the household chores.
    via u/Complex_Storm1929
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    pumpkinbabyyy • 6h ago • NTAH. In a partnership, both parties should contribute to household chores and responsibilities regardless of who works outside of the home. It sounds like you are already juggling multiple tasks and are doing your best to take care of everything. Your husband should recognize and appreciate the hard work you put in and be willing to help out more. Time to have a serious conversation about sharing the load.
    via u/pumpkinbabyyy
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    nazuswahs . 5h ago. My employer requires all work from home employees provide proof that under school age children have childcare during work hours They recognize that a person cannot perform quality work while tending a little person. Your husband sounds like he wants a 1950s housewife. Does he make enough to support his family? He can't have it both ways. Your eight hours a day working should be child free.
    via u/nazuswahs
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    DesperateToNotDream 5h ago • Put a list up on the fridge- one column for you with "Works a full time job" at the top and one for him with everything you do. Then tell him to list all the things he does.
    via u/DesperateToNotDream
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    Alternatively, try asking him what difference would there be in your life other than financial if he were to leave, then ask him what about HIS life would change if you were to leave.
    via u/DesperateToNotDream
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    Flirtylolaa 5h ago NTA You're not the AH. You're juggling a full-time job, caring for two kids, and managing three dogs, which is a lot of work. Your husband's expectation for you to do even more without acknowledging your current responsibilities is unreasonable. It's essential to communicate openly about your
    via u/Flirtylolaa
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    feelings and the division of household tasks. Both partners should share the workload, especially when one is already working full-time. Seeking more support is completely valid, and addressing this together could lead to a better balance in your relationship.
    via u/Flirtylolaa

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healthy marriage aita marriage remote work working from home kids labor marriage-drama parenting wfh chores marriage advice making money reddit thread Reddit raising kids money children
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